A story a Dei

MBÙRI NTÙRÙTÙ ÌTÌETAGĪRA MÌRIGO ÌKÙNJWA;

Ameru proverb

Africans had a way of collapsing long Stories into short phrases loaded with verb and vibe - this is one of them. In its simple 5-word construction, this particular missive is so loaded it has no English equivalent - even attempting a translation may bring the wrath of Njurincheke hurtling in my space.

And it came to pass that one time, a famous goat keeper, M'Aburi, discovered that one of his he-goats had a conduct that exceeded the expectations of normal he-goats. During the mating season, it would howl all night barely allowing the village peace to sleep.

The villagers sent a delegation to Elder M'Aburi to control his stud, but he dismissed them with a naughty retort; what is a he-goat for if it doesn't serve my herd? The nightly ndombolo-ya-mburi continued. M'Aburi, an elder of repute, had a way with the village Kiama caucus, so the villagers couldn't take him anywhere.

One day, the naughty he-goat did the abominable; as M'Aburi's last wife, Mucheche, was grinding porridge behind her hut, the he-goat spied her from behind and liked what he saw. He stomped his front legs on the ground once, twice - just like amorous studs are known to do. Then, he made that lustful whine he-goats make when about to attack their prey.

In a split moment, he pounced on her - bringing the whole ensemble of porridge-making equipment tumbling to the ground. In the midst of broken pots, jumbled grinding stones and rivulets of fresh porridge soaking the ground, Mucheche was screaming at the top of her voice for help.

In no time, the whole village was there to witness the spectacle. As the crowd swelled, M'Aburi was still on his mount, Mucheche was sprawled on the ground and the village was cheering them on....and just like that, a famous Kimiiru proverb was promulgated…”A naughty he-goat does not await goods to be prepared”…(don’t argue with my version of the tale until you reach the end of the spiel of the Dei).

Fast forward:- Ameru have yet another saying; GÙTÌ MBITI ÏTÌ MUNYANYA - paraphrased; ‘There is no Hyena without a Lover!’

This far, Meru County has had four great leaders since the new political dispensation was adopted.

There was Laing'o Munya, who created the blueprint for the County. He spruced up dead market centres, created roads through virgin bushes and generally made Sense out of a big expanse of No-sense. He had his shortcomings; we all do.

There was Kiraitu Murungi, he of the Crocodile infamy. He planted acacia trees along the highway from Nanyuki to Kiirua, in an imaginative dream that unfortunately refused to bloom. He lived his 5 years in power and created for posterity a famous quote amidst his classic giggle: I AM NOT AS FOOLISH AS I LOOK.

There is Mama Kawira Mwangaza, the indefatigable damsel who felled the Crocodile with a hefty blow delivered with a Box Guitar and a cocky Sombrero resting on her bosom. It’s barely 8 months since she sat on the high stool, but her vibes are promising. Like Munya, she has her weaknesses; we all do!

Then there is M’Aburi, a cantankerous he-goat whose greatest achievement in this space has been soiling the village spring - kumiira Iriuko.

When Laing’o Munya was in power, NO PEU, when Kiraitu ruled, MERU NO KURIRA and now with Mama County, the naughty he-goat thinks he has got a weakling to bully!

Armed with a KIBIRI (soup stirrer), M’Aburi is exciting the airwaves with a claim that he is poised to do the abominable on Mama County! Two days ago, the women of the County came out in droves in solidarity with their kindred. The naughty he-goat has been dared to get more IBIIRI, for he has to dispense his lovey-dovey services not to ONE, not TWO but to all the voluptuous maidens of the County!