Seated on this matatu. Destinations, Meru my mother land. Mutwiri my friend has rang me telling me this long weekend I should head home so he chafua me with bonus. I try telling him that he wire something little to my kabambe but he cannot hear of it.
He insist I should land there in whole package. So I head to tea room, this is a place every Baite is familiar with. Wether you are new in Kanairo or not. I am am the fifth guy to board. I get a seat near the window, a hawker is trying to rip me off selling me an electric beard shaver. The price he is quoting is over exaggerated more than what the government paid for Kimwarer dam. I tell him we try another day and sigh that he has left.
Turned to find this lady seated next to me. I can smell the heavy colone on her. Heavy make ups, she has even tried to out do God by shaving her eye shadows and replaced them with a thick, badly done shades. She must have done so poorly in geometry, I thought.
I gather some courage and great her. "Sasa msupa?".... She answers "Niko poa sana". We go mute. I cannot gather more words to keep the conversation.
The matatu is full now, every seat has been occupied. The driver closes the door and we are off. We are approaching pale KU this lady receives a phone call. They are conversing in English. She is trying but with a heavy Meru accent. I hear her say ".....Niko kwa mbus naagwe...." I die, for a moment I couldn't make what was the beauty with the brains. I don't care, we all have accent. Kiraitu is our governor , went to Harvard university and still pronounces bus as "Mbus" . It's in our blood I guess.
After she was done with the call, as she was tucking her phone safely back in her handbag our eyes met. She gives me a beautiful smile. Though the lipstick she has applied on her lips was ruining what God took time to create. I see the smile like a sign, again I open up the conversation.
"Unaona vile serikali anataka kutumaliza na hizi taxes" I echoed.
"Eneeeh, kwanza hii uchumi is a no. Especially for parents with kids in school" she says.
We go on n on, discussing matters with our nation. I am excited she seemed informed in so much. She even complement that I am handsome and good looking. There is no thanks or anything. It's not a thing with us Baites we just nod with a "Mnmm"
A real murume is hard to impress, we don't laugh hivi hivi. Your joke must a master class. Though we laugh, but with bro code and it takes time to decipher it.
By now we are past Embu, relaxed and confidently engaged in our conversations. We exchange phone numbers, I get her first name to be Nkirote. At that moment I feel like a real kiumbani.
Pale Chuka I tell her there is a nice place I can show her. Kuna nyama choma hivi hivi.... Lord! She agree, and we alright.
I calls Mutwiri " Vipi kaka naona Kama nitachelewa kiasi"
He asks why, and I am like "Nimepata emergency bro..."
He is like, "Emergency gani wewe Kiumbani"
As we are entering pale kimwa with Nkirote like two love birds. I switch off my kabambe to focus on other national building affairs.
We settled on a table at the furthest corner. This lady waiter came to collect our orders. I felt thirsty, a cold whitecap seemed the right. Nkirote settled for Tusker cider. I am flowing with the turn of event. We ordered a nyama choma, 2kgs tops.
Turns out my new acquired queen was single, ready to settle. Maybe luck has befelled her this day. She was sipping her cider eloquently, unbothered with a coolness of a goddess. Unsuspecting that deep in my wild thoughts I was in bad calculations. I was gauging her, in judgment I saw her like a wife material. Wrong miscalculations I guess.
It is now cool one hour. My queen is becoming impatient.
"Kwani hii nyama wanachoma na moto ya maragara" she lamented.
I scatter my eyes and catch the waiter, try to wave wave around see if she will notice me. She sees me wave comes straight to our table.
"Mrembo hio nyama Sasa nadhani iko ready" I asked the lady.
She says let her confirm with the kitchen guy. I am trying seeing myself not having a gud time with Nkirote but seems all luck is on my side. Looks at her and starts whistling, things come flashing in my mind like mad.
The waiter returns with a confirmy that things were good. Tells her "Niciume" (Acha Zitoke Sasa) na ugali mbili" I echoed back.
I am trying my best keeping Nkirote entertained, jokes here and there. I am feeling very important, and stupid.
